Monday, December 29, 2008

Monday night, Doin Alright

I'm feelin a bit punchy. I think that might be because I had a five hour nap today. I can't begin to express how thankful I am that I have the opportunity to take a nap when I need it. I know that not all pregos get this kind of opportunity. I appreciate it. Seriously though, my sleeping schedule is so out of whack right now. I am a night owl by nature, and always have been. It takes constant discipline for me to adapt to a day schedule, although I always do when I have to.

I figure it this way...people keep telling me that I won't sleep once the baby comes, I have had terrible insomnia for the past couple of months, so I am going to sleep when I can...until my peanut makes his/her appearance. Then, I will adapt to a schedule. Maybe I'll get lucky and the baby will sleep through the night. I know, dream on. :0)

I should mention that it looks as if I will be doing the stay at home mom thing. Have I mentioned this before? I think it's the right thing for me. My earning potential just can't match the cost of childcare around here. The cheapest I found was a spot in an infant room for $994.00/month! I'd be lucky to even make that much after taxes.

It's easier for me though in a sense because I do not yet have a career that I love, or even like. I think of women who have invested time, money, and great amounts of effort into developing their careers. Whether or not the woman loves her career, it is hers and she earned it. What do these women do when a baby comes along?

I imagine that a trusted family member or friend would be a great assett. Other than that, daycare would be the only option if the woman chooses to continue working (unless the dad chooses to be a stay at home dad, or the couple works opposite shifts so one parent will always be with the child). If none of these options are available the mother or couple has to be able to AFFORD the daycare. It just seems like a very tough situation.

This kind of thing has been on my mind because I sometimes detect a little rift between advocates of stay at home moms and working moms. I have been looking for a pregnancy group to join, and some of the descriptions out right exclude either stay at home parents or working parents. I think it has to just be a personal decision, and people should not judge eachother on this. No matter what, from what I hear, raising children is a pretty darn tough job.

Anyway, I am about half way through a BA in a field I'm not even sure I want to pursue anymore, and I do not yet qualify for in state tuition in Washington. Neither my partner or I have any family in this state, and I can't think of a person in the world who could take care of my child. Besides all of that, I simply WANT to be my child's primary caregiver. I guess I just don't want to feel like I will have to justify this decision to anyone. Noone has been on my back about this at all. My partner is 100% supportive of me staying home. My mind tends to flit from one thing to nother nowadays.

Finally, here comes the tie in to weight...sadly, I chose my college based on the fact that it had tables and chairs for the students throughout. I was around 350 lbs. at that point. I had visited other colleges in the area, which all had tight desks. At the time, I would have been mortified to ask for special seating. What would they have done anyway, put me at a table away from the rest of the class? I just wasn't comfortable enough with myself to go through that.

So, I chose this college based on seating, and it didn't have the program I wanted. I chose the most closely related program, which ends up is almost unheard of, and puts me at a much lower pay scale than the psychology degree I wanted to pursue. Washington doesn't even offer a Human Service degree. Many of my credits will not transfer as well.

I do regret this, but I have to move on. I did learn a lot at school, and I proved to myself that I am smart enough to keep a consistent 4.0. What this will do for me in monetary terms I do not yet know. I do know that if I choose to, I can complete my degree someday. I might go in a completely different direction.

I guess I had a lot to say today. Oh, my eating was pretty off. Again with the salt. See how I just slip that in real quick? On a positive note, my partner is willing to keep the frozen stuff out of the house for now. I told him that I tried, but it's just too darn tempting when it's right here. He was like: "Ok, no big deal." Something like that. He's trying for having candy and other enticing things around without eating too much of it. I know this is the ultimate goal, but I am not there yet, and I am trying really hard to get back on track. My food plan I wrote yesterday would have been completely satisfying. The siren song of the Stouffer's french bread pizza was too much to bear. Maybe I will stick to the plan tomorrow.

Right now, I am going for a walk. The snow has finally melted, and I seem to feel the most energetic and non queasy at night. I'm going to take advantage of this and get some exercise.

Night all!



jinxxxygirl said...

HEy Angie can you search the web for low salt recipes???When ever i make almost any recipe i just leave out the salt and we add what we want individually,Yep you may have to lay off the frozen dinners.....JINX!

jinxxxygirl said...

Angie ,

You know Mandy aka 'Chosing2lose' ??? Well she has a video you might like to watch. Its not too old , maybe a couple months ago she made it called "There is no Try" If you get a minute take a look at it. Its a little long and meandering but has a very good point i think. I KNOW you can pull yourself together Angie and string some good days together. Hugs! Jinx

Sparky said...


There is a BIG rift between the working moms and the stay at home moms. I have been in both camps and currently am neither (working 3 days a week). I find the stay at home moms are quite touchy about it. Some rationalize their choice by criticizing the 'horrible' mothers who put their kids in daycares. I hope you find a pregnancy group. In my city health region run 8 week birth and baby classes. 4 weeks before your due date and 4 weeks after. I am still in touch with 4 of those moms. Have a good night!


Angie said...

HI Jinx,

Yes, I definitely need to lay off the frozen dinners! Thank goodness they are finally all gone, except that they are gone because I ATE them all. I will look for Mandy's video..."There is no try?" Uh oh, I think I can see where that's going. :0) Seriously, I will check it out.

Angie said...

Thanks Heather,

The eight week class sounds perfect. I found something slightly similar, but very expensive. Nothing appears to be free or low cast. Still, I may bite the bullet and join a class. Even meeting one other nice mom-to-be would be worth the cost.

As for the rift, I think it's all silly. People have to do what they have to do. I will definitely try not to be one of the touchy moms. :0)