Monday, May 18, 2009

Plugging along

Not much to report here, but I thought I'd check in. I'm doing pretty well...I've started setting up little Helen's nursery, and I have an overwhelming urge to throw things away and organize...seriously, it's getting out of hand. Problem is, I can't lift heavy things myself anymore, so I have to wait for opportune times to hit Tony up for a little help. On that note, he put the crib together on Saturday. wasn't too bad except for a little snafu with a screw that wouldn't go in all the set us back about 45 minutes! I think it took longer to unpack the thing than to put it together. It's a beautiful white convertible crib though...very sturdy.

One of Tony's co workers sent over a big box a baby clothes...all girl stuff (and nice). He and his wife are due in September, and all her friends gave her girl things...they just found out they are having a boy. They are the first hand me downs I've received...I don't know, I got a little emotional. I'm such a dork, but it was nice that he thought of us.

A cool thing happened about 4am last night...I was lying in bed trying to get comfortable (as usual) and Helen was moving around like crazy. So, I turned on my back for just a sec to take pressure of of my poor hip when I thought I saw some movement. I shined a light on my stomach, and I had my first alien baby experience. I could totally see Helen moving around from the outside! I had been waiting for that to happen. With the extra padding I think it took longer for me to experience this. Wow, it was really, really neat.

Anyway, class was good tonight, we swaddled dolls, and listened to a live recording of a baby crying for a couple minutes to get a feel for it. A couple minutes I can handle, I'm more worried about her being colicky and crying for a couple hours. My last class is June 1st ( we skip Memorial Day). I'm a little sad to see it end actually. Sorry guys, like I said, I've got a one track mind right now.

Food has been a bit better...organized exercise (other than housework etc.)is practically nonexistent. I guess I should at least do a little. I feel so darn tired and lazy. I planned on sucking it up and going for a short walk tonight, but it's pouring out. I guess I could get the umbrella...the enthusiasm for physical fitness must be oozing off of the computer screen right now?

Well, please send some non lazy thoughts my way. I could use them. Hope you are all well.


Monday, May 11, 2009

Overdue Update...

Sorry for the long absence, but I have been a busy bee over here. Lots has been going on. The big news is that I got married on May 2nd. Tony and I ended up having a very simple ceremony in the office of a retired judge in our city. When I say simple, I mean simple. It was just the two of us, the judge, and two supplied witnesses. That allowed us to truly keep things low key. It's almost impossible to invite one or two guests to a wedding...the whole marriage domino effect. This was nice, and more importantly, short. I was just about 32 weeks along on our wedding day, nauseous, and Not exactly the picture of a blushing bride, but very happy.

After the ceremony we had a very nice dinner at a restaurant on the water, and then ended up spending two days in Ocean Shores, WA...on the ocean of course. It was beautiful there, and we plan taking little Helen there next summer. It ended up that Mt. Rainier was a bit rustic for a preggy lady.

I've been in full nesting mode. As a first time mom I reserve the right to obsess a little about the furniture etc. that I buy for Helen. So, I did a lot of research and ended up ordering just about everything I need from Babies R Us. I placed all the orders in person, and then had to go through a huge rigmarole tracking the items down and getting them there all at once so that Tony and I could rent a Uhaul and pick it all up. It got accomplished though, and we picked all the big items up on Saturday...crib, mattress, dress/changer combo, travel system, pack and play, high chair, and glider with ottoman...phew! I can see how having a shower would be a huge advantage for first time parents...this stuff is expensive. Still, I've had fun gathering things.

My mind and days are pretty much occupied with the baby. I'll be going to my 5th prenatal class on Monday night. So far, it's all about the childbirth part...I was hoping for more of an emphasis on infant care, but our instructor is great...very enthusiastic and more than willing to answer questions. The best part is that I get a back rub at the end of each class during the breathing exercises. :0) Our classmates are all very nice, but the atmosphere is still a bit stiff. I think that's because the class runs from 7-9 pm on Monday nights, and everyone is exhausted...lots of yawning and uncomfortable looking pregnant women shifting around constantly, me included.

So, basically that's my life right now. My first trimester nausea came back in the third trimester, and I actually caught myself waddling the other day! It's getting really tough to do even basic things, like bending over, and when I try to reach for something on a shelf my tummy gets in the way. I huff and puff all the time, hiccup constantly, and have chronic heartburn and yes, constipation. Still, I can be feeling all icky and then the overwhelming realization that I'll have my baby soon washes over me and I experience intense joy. It's an interesting mix of emotions.

My only regret is that I've gained so much weight during this pregnancy. I will probably have to relose a good 50-60 pounds by the time all is said and done. No doubt that regaining old weight sucks to high hell...there's no use sugar coating it. I am just looking forward to being an active mom (once I get to sleep again from what I hear) and slowly taking the weight back off.

As exciting as rapid weight loss is, that's not an option for me anymore. No way I'll be working out 3+ hours a day, and I can't restrict my calories all that much if I'm breastfeeding. I've been wrapping my mind around this during my entire pregnancy. Only I can fully understand my own psychology, so I wouldn't be surprised if people don't understand why someone who can manage a seven pound loss week after week, can't stick to 2,000 calories per day. Success becomes it's own addiction. I didn't start my weight loss that way, but gained momentum beyond my own imagiination. Honestly, I loved it...feeling so powerful. Shedding all of that fat was like being reborn, or released from prison. Maybe similar to recovering from some debilitating disease that robs you of your mobility for years.

I look back and it all seems like a dream. At this point, I would love to eat a healthy amount of food on a daily basis...stopping the unnesecary weight gain would be a huge accomplishment right now. It has become very clear to me, once again, that there aren't any words that someone can say to make things click for a person who is struggling to gain control of their eating.

I remember when I was very involved in gut2cut...all sorts of people would write me desperate for answers. I spent a lot of time trying to help those people...writing out meal plans, exercise routines, little psychological tools that I would use etc. But, it has to be the right time for each individual person, and the determination has to come from within. All of the little tools are important, understanding nutrition is important, having a support system of some kind is important, but each person has to supply their own spark. I can't save anyone else except myself, and noone can save me.

Ok, a little more stream of consciousness there. I hope whoever reads this is doing well and feeling happy.