Friday, October 17, 2008

The Fog

Well, when I posted my first entry to this blog I was feeling pretty low, and frustrated with myself. Things have been spinning out of control since that first post. I'd love to be able to say that I've turned things around. I haven't.

What I can say is that I am trying to look at my behavior in a thoughtful way. I know why I have been bingeing each and every day. Depression. It's noone's fault. I am trying to be kind to myself. Depression is like driving through a thick fog, disorienting.

My food addiction leeches on to any stress in my life. There has been plenty of that, so the excuses for eating have been easy to come by. I know healthy living is the best medicine for depression, but I have felt paralyzed.

I read a post from a good friend's blog, and it was very uplifting. I have been isolating myself from the online weight loss community. Isolation is the worst thing for me right now, so maybe this blog will replace the support I used to get from YouTube. I could go back to making videos, but I just don't feel it. The great feeling I used to get from the mutual support has been replaced by numbness.

I'll end this post by promiseing that I will not stop trying.


Sparky said...

Geeze! Look who I accidentally found via a comment on another blog! :) Miss you Angie!!!

Sparky said...

PS. I have lost the love for the video biz too. I am still struggling with the eating and pissed when I finally realized that this struggle was going to be for life. Never give up. Never surrender!