Monday, August 31, 2009

Sunday Night, Finally Made a Friggin Video!

Can you believe it!? I finally grew a pair and made a video...I'm feeling a little feisty right now. It was hard, and I watched it several times in disbelief at how much weight I have gained. There is something about seeing yourself on camera that makes it all seem real. Like tight clothes and visible tummy rolls weren't an adequate indication? Oh well, here I am. I took a positive step by making that video. I finally came out of hiding.

After careful consideration, and a doctor's advice, I have decided to try HMR meal replacement shakes. My calories will not be crazy low, and the exercise has to be moderate. I just can't make weight loss a full time job again. That's ok. I got the idea of doing HMR from the book: "My Big Fat Greek Diet" The author is a doctor who weighed 465 lbs. He seems like a very kind and stable person who had a horrible food addiction. He did the HMR shakes himself, and got his life under control. It's a great book...check it out!

So, I weigh 268 lbs. I stopped breastfeeding because Helen was rejecting my milk. All of a sudden it was ok to eat unhealthy things now and then...yeah right. The same old slippery slope. I went from 238 lbs. to 268 in the blink of an eye. So depressing. None of my clothes fit, and I'm starting to have some of the same problems I had at 350 lbs.

It stops now! I start my shakes in the morning. I will write in this blog each day...if only a sentence in order to stay accountable and stay in the correct mindset. It's too easy to sweep good intentions under the rug.

What I know...tomorrow will be difficult. I will want to quit by 10 a.m. I'll have to go through withdrawals. But, after a few days I will start to feel better...more energetic, less bloated, and the cravings will taper.

Why not just eat healthy food in moderation instead of shakes? I am so far off the deep end at this point that I will binge on anything. Shakes that contain the proper protein/fat/carb ratio with a reasonable calorie content will allow me to reset. I need to stop eating "food" all together at this point. It's sad, but just about anything sets me off right now. It's been like this for a long while, and 300 lbs. is just around the corner. Sometimes I wake up in a panic in the middle of the night thinking about it.

As for exercise, I bought a membership to the Woodland Park Zoo in Seattle. It's a great place to walk with the baby waby. Unfortunately there is no one who can watch Helen so that I can get to a gym. That's ok. I'll have to rely on walks and exercising at home for now.

Ok, here I go...



jinxxxygirl said...


I with you girl! You can so DO this! I know you probably want to do this for your hubs and Helen but you make sure your doing this for you too! This is for a better quality of life for you too. So you can look in a mirror and smile back at your reflection.

I could give you all kinds of advice but you've been there before. You know what to do . I don't need to tell you anything. But i will .......well because thats me! LOL!

Start making exercise a habit. I don't care if its 5 min a day. That five min around the block is your 'me' time every day. Make it a habit. You can expand on that to 10 min and what ever later. Just start making knew healthier habits.

I think your the greatest Angie. And i care about you a whole lot! Keep your chin up and take it one day at a time.......shoot one minute at at time if you have to. Email me what ever you need. Jinx!

Sparky said...

Hey Angie. What an honest post. Good for you for sharing.

I'll be here to cheer you on.

I totally know what you mean about binging on anything. I've had a couple of days like that this weekend.

Liquid diet will get it off and you are smart enough to figure out how to get off the liquid once the time comes.

Look forward to following along.

Take care!

zurplemoon said...

it's you so good to hear from you. i'll be there each step of the way

angie said...

I am here as well. I am so glade you are back. If you ever want to chat. As some who is a new mother as well. I know a little about what your going threw.